Meanwhile, in another universe...

Occasionally the GoogleAds server throws up a "contextual" ad that you just can't go past.
A while back, I found the BananaGuard, with its informative tagline "Protect your banana!" thanks to an ad in my Gmail sidebar.

Tonight, I was greeted with this little gem:
That's right. Improving your life is as simple as jumping to another dimension! Hooray!
"But how do I perform this jump?" I hear you ask.
With some kind of new technology? A time machine of some description? A psychotropic elixir?

No!

With a set of 6 informative and educational CDs! All for the low price of $197USD!!

After having a flick through the testimonial-laden site, I discovered that apparently, you can jump dimensions and pick up skills from OTHER-DIMENSION-YOU!

That's right, other-dimension-you is a photographer, painter, novelist, tennis champion, world leader, 19th century libertine or any other thing you could want. All you have to do is pop over that fold in space-time, be other-dimension-you for a while, then jump on back to this dimension and show off your newly acquired skills! It's that easy!
Women will kiss you in the street, people will throw wads of money at you, you'll ride a scooter!

Quantum Jumping's Jesus-figure is 81 year old Burt Goldman. He figured out how to perform this little quantum jump thing and according to him, you can even get yourself a BEACH HOUSE by travelling to other dimensions. It says so on his website!

Amazing stuff.

I was about to do some reading and fall asleep, but I just got word on the grapevine that other-dimension-me over in Dimension 9 (where I am a Capoeira instructor to the stars) is having a super awesome party. I'm not sure I'm dressed appropriately, but who cares when you can frigging quantum jump!

What rhymes with cloister?

I've said it before; grammar is quite important.
I spent the weekend snowboarding up in the mountains. On Saturday evening whilst I lay sprawled on the armchair feeling particularly exhausted, an ad on the local TV station used the word "moister".
This was used to indicate that the thing being advertised was more moist, or contained more moisture than some other thing.

What a horrible use of English. It seems the people writing the copy for the ad were of the impression that grammar is the lady their grandpa married.

I don't know how this happens as you'd think there would be someone involved in producing this abomination of an ad that would flag the use of the word "moister" as being unacceptable.
Apparently not.

And so it was that Saturday was the day 'moister' became my new most abhorred word. If only I could remember what product it was used in relation to, I could advise everyone against buying it.

The End.